Black men already have a countless number of targets on us, but one that shouldn't be there is one that gets aimed by too many Black women.
We don't even have to go back in time to see it, this behavior has been displayed in the past and in the present. What i'm referring to are the women who look down on quality Brothas.
There are quality Brothas standing up for our people trying to build and get the community into a better position, and because many don't fit a certain stereotype they aren't given the time of day when it comes to relationships. That needs to change, there is something wrong with that.
A good Brotha can't just qualify as a good step daddy, that's the type of Brotha that should've been sought after to have children with in the first place. We all can learn from mistakes, but they don't always have to be our own. There are enough Black women in bad situations because they chose to make the wrong decision and get with the wrong dude, and then that fucked up decision turns into all Black men ain't shit. No, it was a fucked up decision that the female chose to make and won't own up to, and she needs to be woman enough to learn from it and teach her daughters not to make the same mistakes.
I'm not even talking about the no good females when it comes to passing up Brothas, there are some Sistas who are attracted to certain types too. I can understand that on a physical level, because certain women grab my attention more than others, but I also have a certain criteria that a big ass can't persuade me on.
All I ask my Sistas to do is to have a certain set of standards for the Black men you choose. Realistic standards, none of that silly stuff either, make it make sense.
Seek out a Brotha, not just a Black man. I don't call every Black man and woman a Brotha or a Sista, they have to actually be Brotha's and Sista's. If they have a desire to uplift and stand up for our people, that's a Brotha and Sista.
More than enough of us know a woman with a bunch of children with no dads in sight, and some of us know that some of these women ended up with these children because they thought they'd have a cute baby with a certain dude. That should never be the decision to move forward with getting pregnant, especially if you don't know if the dude is going to stick around. I know a lot of Brothas who stepped in to take care of another man's responsibilities, and it's not always because the man was a dead beat; some Brothas are sitting in prison for nothing or dead for no justified reason. I know things happen and people grow apart too, even with some Brothas and Sistas but the more time we take to improve on ourselves we can be better prepared for a serious relationship.
You can find out all types of stuff if you take your time. If you're talking to a Black man and he doesn't want children, that doesn't necessarily mean he isn't a Brotha but he isn't the one for you if you want children. You have to listen and seek out a Brotha going in the direction that you should be going, in the direction of Black empowerment because that benefits both you and the children that you may have. If he wants children and he avoided having children until he was in a position to take care of those children and their mother/his wife, then that's a Brotha that won't just lay up with a woman unprotected and let off. That's a planner.
All these Brothas won't fill the usual stereotypes even if there are some that do, some of these Brothas are programmers, they work online, they might read books a few times a week or whatever. That's no reason to dismiss that Brotha. If you have certain standards and he fills them or is on track to filling them (because sometimes we have to bounce back over some bullshit out of our control) consider giving the Brotha a chance. It doesn't have to be a relationship out of the gate, get to know each other and get a feel for one another to determine if there is something there that is stronger than a few months to a year. It can't all be based on the bedroom, because there is a relationship that needs your attention when you step out of the bed.
I definitely can't talk about relationships without mentioning interracial relationships, because they exist. I still can't give the green light on dating White women, but I have seen Brotha's dating or married to non-Black minority women and I couldn't be critical of them. Philip Scott of the African Diaspora News Channel is one of them of them. He's positioning himself to bridge the gap between Black America and African nations, and I can't knock him for who he fell in love with. If she sent him off a righteous path on some Adam & Eve shit the way this woman did with a Brotha from Ohio, i'd have a problem. Then again, the women who knocked that Brotha off his path was Black, so that goes back to importance of Sistas & Brothas coming together for love.
Not only love, but compliment each other fill in holes so you can be a well rounded couple in many aspects.
I've talked to many and looked deeper into a grey area that I knew was there, but I didn't consider that some of these "Brothas" would look else where for relationshps. I say Brothas, because there are Brothas riding with non-Black minority women supporting them, but a lot of these Brothas I talked to were sitting on the side lines in our communities. I've asked a lot of questions to some about why couldn't they look online, why couldn't they seek a Black woman in a different city, state, country or whatever and some hit the same wall of being too nice, getting used, the women only date men from their country, or being step daddy material. I will say that some are avoiding relationships because they need to focus on something that will result in neglect of their relationships, but many are not. The focus is work that will impact our people for the better.
I don't mention any of this to say that Brothas should flock to non-Black women, i'm writing this to highlight the fact that Sistas should be looking for quality Brothas first and foremost. You just don't know how many Black women I know and know of who passed up a Brotha they thought was lame, then they got with a no good who fucked their life up.
There are Brothas out here with plans to better their lives and make moves to give back in a significant ways, and they aren't thinking about laying up with every woman they come in contact with because the clock is always ticking. The clock is always ticking, and we have to keep moving. There are Brothas looking for a Sista to build with, why not be one of these Sista?
Don't let a hating ass "friend" tell you why the Brotha's too lame, because that would be the same dramatic lonely "friend" hating on your relationship as it flourishes. You can't tell me you haven't seen that shit before.
So don't let them get in your way of getting with a quality Brotha, and don't get in your own way of having a relationship with a quality Brotha because there are women looking for good men and they aren't always Black. Be prepared to play your position. Don't wait to desire a Brotha when a non-Black women get's her hands on him for better or for worse. More Black women are beginning to look in the direction of Brothas taking the reigns, but you can't let that interest fall by the side when you feel that White Supremacy has slithered back into the shadows. It's time for a shift, and more Black men would flip if the types of men Black women were interested in, shifted to a noticeable degree.
I still say to my Brothas that you need to keep your head on a swivel with these non-Black women coming your way and find out what their mindset is like if you plan on making that move. You need to know what their families are like too, and don't settle for an enemy. One of the things that concern me the most is how these relationships will affect the children as Black people, especially if the mom is an enemy who simply lusts after what's swinging in our pants.
There are more Black women than Black men, so I'd prefer to see more solid stable relationships in our community where Brothas & Sistas are raising solid stable children who know that it's imperative to be Brothas and Sistas, not Enemies. Just a reminder, i'm talking about Brotha's in this post which I don't consider all Black men to be. Those who would rather hug the cop who killed their brother or stab the next man in the back for a pat on the head can take your asses on just like the Black women in that category who mean us no earthly good. It's time to cultivate and poison won't help us grow.
Show good Brothas the time of day and play your position.
